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Don't Be Dottie

Grace and Transformation

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For a Pastor’s Wife Somewhere

I’ve been quiet for awhile. Life has a way of winding and unwinding itself.

I wrote this a month back. I decided to post this because this situation is too common! It’s a story repeated over and over in the church. If you are in ministry, be careful. If you are a church member, be loving.  Satan is alive and well and destroying the visible representation of Christ, The Church, from the inside out.

We have been in full-time ministry for almost 20 years. Without warning, after 11 years the Board reacted to financial problems by voting to release my husband as Sr. Pastor. No discussion, no notice, no prayer or seeking God’s wisdom, of which we were a part. Thankfully one elder suggested they move the weekly prayer time to someone’s home to tell my husband the news. Otherwise, he would have been given his notice at the local Starbucks.

Here’s the thing. It’s been three four months. In that time we have received letters and texts and phone calls that range from “we are so sorry” , “we don’t understand what happened” to “when are you going to get over your pity party?”. A three page letter came in the mail using personal information about my husband to justify him being let go and at the same time suggest that we had had some type of obligation to the new Sr. Pastor. (Whose wife, btw, was on the group that voted to oust my husband.) A group of ladies went to a Women’s Conference, Leading and Loving It, right after this all went down. They used the spot that I had paid for and took someone else. They could not understand why I didn’t want to go with them. They somehow feel justified in their own minds that because of our seemingly unchristian like response, we are at fault. (Our response being that we need to distance ourselves and move on with what God has for our lives)

If you are a pastor’s wife There is no figuring this stuff out. Only God knows. Take care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually. Don’t let ministry be the first priority of your family. It’s insidious how we think just one more event, bible study or dinner won’t make a difference and that we can handle it. That one more thing you think you should do really won’t matter in the end.  

What matters is telling yourself that You are enough, just as you are, to God, your husband, and your family. God is not depending on you to do more than your mind, body and soul can withstand. Rest, still your soul, hug your kids, plan a date night, read a book, create something, talk to an old friend. Take time to remember the person that you are and that God is your biggest fan. He loves you. A.Men! Preaching to myself!

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Washed by the Water

This song has gotten me through many painful ministry situations. I am listening to it this Sunday morning knowing that even though I feel washed up and gasping for air, no storm will do me in. Deep waters only lead to amazing rescues by the one who saves.  I will miss my Amethyst family this morning, all the while knowing that…Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭25-27‬ NIV)

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Grace and Transformation

Sarah Bessey

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